I like the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by author John Gray. It’s a guide to understanding the differences between the sexes. Being raised by a widowed mom, I never realized that men look at the world differently than women. Getting married certainly opened my eyes. I love to talk intimately with girl friends about my feelings, but most husbands have difficulty talking about emotions. My spouse is an engineer who loves to fix things and read instructional manuals. Unfortunately women don’t come with a manual, and neither do children.
Somehow you always want to change your spouse to think like you do, but hey that’s why you married him or her because of the differences. My hubby is the one I ask to fix the thermostat or remote or take the lid off a bottle. He doesn’t have to be my therapist too. I have a close friend whose husband is a professional counselor. I’ve always thought that would be ideal, but I’ve learned that it doesn’t necessarily work that way. After solving the world’s emotional problems at his job, this hard working man wants to come home to his cave and hide out––not solve all the family problems his wife has saved until his return.
So, how does one resolve these differences? Try lowering your expectations and become more realistic. Your spouse has personality traits that you admired or else you wouldn’t have married. Will you ever find the perfect partner––no! Just find someone you can respect and love enough to make the commitment of marriage. Loyalty and trust are more important traits than having a therapeutic partner on call 24/7.
Looking for your partner’s positive traits can make for a healthier longer lasting relationship that will grow and change over the years vs. searching for the perfect soul mate that completes you. It won’t happen for most people in this life because no one is perfect. So, two imperfect people fall in love, marry and create a family. Learn to overlook one another’s faults, communicate and live reasonably happily ever after while solving the problems that will come. Then one day with graying and thinning hair, they can look back and be thankful for the bonding journey with a loving companion. We all need interactions with others of the opposite sex to enrich our life, whether we have never married or are widowed or divorced. NEXT TIME: Purpose of Life