Twenty-two years old and not married! I was definitely an old maid by BYU standards in those days, as perceived by my classmates. It was every good Mormon girl’s dream to come to BYWoo, as it was affectionately called, and find a husband-hopefully a handsome newly returned Mormon missionary. The problem was there were more girls than RMs-returned missionaries available in our student wards or congregations, so the competition was tough.
If you didn’t find a husband by the time you graduated or were twenty-one years old, you were considered sister missionary material. You were encouraged to sign up with your bishop for an eighteen month mission which assured that when you returned nearing the age of twenty-three, you were hopelessly single forever. However, some sister missionaries did find husband material in the mission field among the much younger elders who were from nineteen to twenty-one years old. Of course, the reason for going on a mission was to teach the gospel, NOT to find a husband.
Did I find someone at BYU? Well I thought I had. Having received my bachelors degree but not my bachelor, I was pursuing my masters degree when I started steadily dating a younger man who hadn’t served a mission yet. Given my age and timetable that was a mistake, for he soon left on a foreign mission. Our relationship was put on hold for two and half years. I agreed to date others while he was gone, and if I was still around when he returned, we would pursue a more serious relationship. After he left on his mission, of course, I met my Prince Charming-a tall, dark handsome returned missionary.
This necessitated a big decision on my part as I had been toying with the idea of also going on a mission to keep busy while my missionary boy friend was serving. But after weighing my options: to get engaged and married or serve a mission for two years, I wrote my Dear John letter. The famous letter that every male missionary dreads receiving on his mission. In my case, my new boy friend was also writing a sister missionary from his mission, so he wrote his Dear Jane letter.
The perception hadn't changed too much when I was at BYU. It was called getting your MRS degree and girls were crying on their 22nd - 23rd birthday if they were still single. My little brothers thought I was an old maid when I wasn't married at 22. I didn't have a set plan in my head and I was still actively dating, attending school and working. I was enjoying life and I decided to add one more enjoyment, my love of theater, by trying out for a play. I met the Renstroms and a year and a half later I got my MRS degree and became Mrs Renstrom.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this post Lin. I have enjoyed learning so much about your church. Gosh, I was married at 20 and a first-time mom at 22, now I am so happy that my two older sons aren't married yet (almost 24 and 31). I guess my feelings are such as I look back at the "what ifs" that are always in our life!
ReplyDeleteLife has so many interesting twists and turns. Interesting 'dear john/jane letters at the same time. My son is 30 and unmarried. I hope he makes a better choice than I did. Times are a changing.
ReplyDeleteAnd there are places in the world where people wait until they are in their 40s to settle down. Hmm.... Seems like an awful lot of pressure on a young woman.
ReplyDeleteIn your church is this still the situation, or have practices changed? I would hope more women are now pursuing higher education before having a family.
ReplyDeleteTimes are sure different now. I hope that pressure isn't still there for Mormon girls. I see a lot of people waiting longer to get married now which must help maintain marriages.
ReplyDeleteThis is interesting..but what a lot of pressure on young people, but I guess there is always some kind of pressure on young people..
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