Being labeled “a divorcee” wasn’t something I’d ever thought would happen to me in my lifetime. Figuring out how to relate to my former spouse and his extended family was difficult. Both set of parents wanted to be involved with our children, but it was awkward. Holidays and summer vacation visits had to be carefully scheduled. It was a major adjustment for our sons spending vacation time with their dad, then working through their feelings when they returned home.
When my divorce was final, it took me some time before I was ready for the social scene again. It’s one thing to be dating at age 20, but to be 35 years old and a single parent with three growing sons while trying to socialize was a whole different thing. There was in my church a unique program then for those who were single for any reason: YSI was “Young Special Interest” for those under 40, and SI was “Special Interest” for those 40 (over the hill but not dead yet.) Today they are called “Seasoned Single Adults” and “Young Adults.” Sounds like a tasty BBQ, but it really was no laughing matter.
Where the name “Special Interest” came from, I’m not sure…did I feel “special” because I was divorced? No! Did I have an “interest” in getting remarried? Probably not for a long time after the trauma involved in breaking apart my family that I had planned for since childhood when I dreamed of finding my Prince Charming and living happily ever after. After navigating through the dating game for 4 years at BYU and all that was involved, I’d been relieved to be engaged and getting married at age 24. Sending a missionary off to serve for 2-3 years, I’d written my dear John letter and finally found “the one.”
Experience had not yet taught me to prepare for detours in the road ahead. All I focused on was the new experience of being in love and wanting to trust my life and future to another human being. Too many fairy tales read in my developing years had blinded me to the fact that sometimes even a Prince Charming can mutate back into a frog, especially when he kisses someone other than his own wife after marriage. Life is a great learning experience. It was a risky situation to gamble again on a new relationship with all the trust issues I had.
I can't imagine going through what you did. It would be difficult to trust again but I am so happy you were able to let go and move forward:)
ReplyDeleteDivorce is synonymous with Death! it kills something in your heart.. I can't imagine having kids and divorcing. it was much easier with out kids yet it hurt me very much. and decision was mine... You are very strong mom.. I admire what you did and in result I have this beautiful man that I can call my other half. thank you. sincerely.
ReplyDeleteI had been married for 22 years with children aged 20, 13 and 8. It was so very hard on the children as their father basically excluded them from his life. He only lived a few miles away. He took his anger out on the children. I did seek counseling for the two younger children and believe that it helped. It was hard to be both Mom and Dad but I did it. I vowed I would never marry again...but two years after the divorce I met a wonderful man who loved me and my children unconditionally. I don't believe anyone who has not been through this "nightmare" can really understand. And how wonderful a life you have built over the years!
ReplyDeleteTo my mind, it's a crime to play with another's trust. The damage is severe and affects so many. But I suppose the people who play with trust also lack the courage to make a clean break and move one. Always hedging their bets.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story. So helpful, Lin.
I'm so very glad you found happiness after that sad experience, Lin. I'm just amazed at your strength and courage.
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