Getting divorced in 1975 wasn’t as common as it is nowadays.
Then it was looked upon as a failure
regardless
of the reason for the divorce. I remember sitting in church and overhearing an
older woman saying,
No one should ever get divorced. While I agreed with her that divorce is a major
upheaval in the life of all involved, sometimes it’s impossible to stay in a marriage for many reasons. Today it’s
more acceptable to divorce. Statistics disclose that half of all marriages will
end in a breakup in this generation. A sad but true statement as I look at my
own family. What has caused this divorce revolution?
The
surge towards
personal fulfillment
for each individual has led many men and women to turn from the responsibility of
working to make a good marriage to searching for instant happiness outside the
bounds of marriage. The growing independence of women and their ability to
support themselves financially has had a definite influence. Other causes of
family breakups include addiction, alcoholism and abuse. The
real losers in this whole situation
have been the children involved who suffer from a lack of stability in their
lives when their parents divorce.
In
my new publication
Discover Your Voice
After Divorce, I quote one of my sons at the time of my divorce from his
father saying,
I feel like a broken egg.
I’m sure he was thinking of a raw egg, not a hard-boiled one. That is an apt
description of anyone who has experienced divorce regardless of the cause or
who is at fault. It hurts. The old normal is gone. There is much healing to do on everyone’s part.
After
divorce, you are faced with many adjustments to your personal lifestyle. Your
children are also affected. Your new status as a divorced family may require
drastic changes: a lower level of income, selling your home, new schools,
custody issues plus strained relationships with in-laws and extended family. It
will take time to recover and work through all the issues, to grieve for the many losses involved.
Children need to be able to express their feelings. Family counseling may be
needed. Forgiveness certainly
plays its part in going forward. Children tend to personalize the divorce and
feel that perhaps they caused it. They need love and reassurance from both
parents who are busy and drained from working through their personal issues.
NEXT TIME: Single, Never Married