How
do you send value to others? Your
body
language speaks volumes before you’ve said a word. I have a friend whose
husband naturally
sends value to
others. How does he do it? He
looks
at you when you are talking,
smiles,
and takes time to listen. Another friend’s husband seems to disappear when I
visit: not making eye contact, never asking a question and avoiding any kind of
interaction. People are different and communicate in various ways. One
individual may be shy and lacking self esteem. It’s important not to judge, but
just observe. It’s easy to misinterpret other’s behavior and take it
personally.
How
do you send value to a new person you meet?
Ask
questions until you find something of interest to that person; then
listen. Be
genuinely
interested
about that person and their life. It’s
the process of making a
friend.
In the few minutes after you interact with a new person, you can sense if you
can
trust that person with your
personal feelings or if you need to be careful in sharing your thoughts. I
doubt men feel this way. Women seem to need close personal friends more than
men. A trusted girl friend is almost as good as a trained therapist if she
listens, doesn’t judge and sends value
to
you. Most men’s friendships are
goal
orientated with other men who share a mutual hobby or interest like:
fishing, golfing, four wheeling, athletics or politics.
It’s
difficult for unrelated men and
women to be friends because of the possibilities of getting too attached
emotionally or physically. There is a safe distance to keep. Maybe that’s why
women have so many gal friends and men have guy friends. Male-female
friendships are generally only between married couples who are friends or
relatives who do things together. Then there are all the singles of the
world-divorced, widowed and never married who feel left out of this interactive
social world and friendships among couples.
We
should not discriminate. Everyone needs to be receiving and sending value to
others in all relationships,
letting people know that we find them of interest, want to converse and
interact more. Life is a challenge is a given. Too many married couples have
stopped trying to develop their personal friendships, even with each other.
They just sit side by side letting the years pass unnoticed, until their
partner is suddenly gone. NEXT TIME: Widows and Widowers.