Is the art of conversation
becoming a lost art in our day and age? Are we teaching our youth the
importance of speaking face to face with their friends and family, not just substituting
texting or emailing? Let’s look at this somewhat antiquated skill of conversation
that can be so useful in falling in love,
building others self esteem and making friends. So, you are at gathering and
know no one. How do you proceed? Most of us immediately want to become
wallflowers or return to our home in silence overlooking the opportunity and
challenge of interacting with others.
It
helps to have a few stock questions in mind and with a little courage, extend
yourself with a smile to the nearest person. Openers I like to use are: So, Where
are from originally? or Where did you work
before retiring? That always opens up
further questions leading to an interactive conversation. Being genuinely
interested in knowing the other person and asking general not personal
questions can get your relationship off to a good start.
Don’t
ask yes or no questions, because that might be the only response you get but use
open-ended questions like…How did you feel about moving here? or How was it to be born and raised in a small
community? Be sensitive to the other
person’s body language and emotional message as you are trying to converse. Consider
including others in the conversation who might be nearby. Ask about their interests
or hobbies.
Notice
people’s body language as you approach them, it will tell you lots. For
husbands the same techniques can be useful. Notice your spouse’s body language
that can say volumes more than her words if
she's being quiet. A good opening question could be…How are you feeling about ________? (fill in the blank) life today, the family,
your job, whatever concerns you feel she
is dealing with. Or just a general question asked sincerely, I sense you’re
feeling down today. Would you like to talk about it? Remember to just listen and don’t give advice or solutions
unless asked for them.
There
are two parts to any message given in person: the words and the emotion behind
the words. The same words I love you can carry a different message if sent with true regard vs. anger or
indifference. Conversation skills are so important as a communication tool in all your relationships.
NEXT TIME: Hand Written Notes