How do you send value to others? Your body language speaks volumes before you’ve said a word. I have a friend whose husband naturally sends value to others. How does he do it? He looks at you when you are talking, smiles, and takes time to listen. Another friend’s husband seems to disappear when I visit: not making eye contact, never asking a question and avoiding any kind of interaction. People are different and communicate in various ways. One individual may be shy and lacking self esteem. It’s important not to judge, but just observe. It’s easy to misinterpret other’s behavior and take it personally.
How do you send value to a new person you meet? Ask questions until you find something of interest to that person; then listen. Be genuinely interested about that person and their life. It’s the process of making a friend. In the few minutes after you interact with a new person, you can sense if you can trust that person with your personal feelings or if you need to be careful in sharing your thoughts. I doubt men feel this way. Women seem to need close personal friends more than men. A trusted girl friend is almost as good as a trained therapist if she listens, doesn’t judge and sends value to you. Most men’s friendships are goal orientated with other men who share a mutual hobby or interest like: fishing, golfing, four wheeling, athletics or politics.
It’s difficult for unrelated men and women to be friends because of the possibilities of getting too attached emotionally or physically. There is a safe distance to keep. Maybe that’s why women have so many gal friends and men have guy friends. Male-female friendships are generally only between married couples who are friends or relatives who do things together. Then there are all the singles of the world-divorced, widowed and never married who feel left out of this interactive social world and friendships among couples.We should not discriminate. Everyone needs to be receiving and sending value to others in all relationships, letting people know that we find them of interest, want to converse and interact more. Life is a challenge is a given. Too many married couples have stopped trying to develop their personal friendships, even with each other. They just sit side by side letting the years pass unnoticed, until their partner is suddenly gone. NEXT TIME: Widows and Widowers.