I have a hard time with self-help books or classes that want you to make affirmations or state a goal you wish to achieve as already happening. Example: I'm a success at losing weight. Repeating this positive phrase is suppose to help you believe that you can accomplish it. What I find lacking in affirmations is honesty or a plan. I can’t affirm that I’m thinner, unless I am. Affirmations only add to the confusing self-talk (both positive and negative) that can go on inside your head or mind. We are all good at self-criticizing. Maybe it's time to substitute true positive compliments to yourself instead of fake positive statements. (Although, if affirmations work for you, don’t let me stop you.)
Here’s some examples of self-talk from my life:
1. BOOKS: I could say as an affirmation: I am successful at selling my books or Negative self talk: well, you've certainly failed at trying to sell your own self published books or I could compliment my efforts: I have to say you have really tried to sell your books and YOU HAVE WRITTEN FOUR OF THEM! plus helped other friends to self publish their own. Compliments or positive self talk build and encourage you rather than tear you down, while affirmation can lead to more disappointments.
2. RELATIONSHIPS: Affirmation: I will motivate my extended family to gather for the holidays or Negative self talk: Well for all your efforts, the rewards have been few in trying to get your whole family together for a reunion versus a compliment for my efforts: You had a wonderful time with those family members who were able to come and celebrate the new baby's blessing. Keep trying.
3. SELF IMAGE and WEIGHT LOSS: Affirmation: I feel good with all the weight I’m losing or Negative self talk: You've gained back most of the weight you lost in the past few years and struggle with your eating habits versus complimenting my efforts: You are trying again to loose weight and exercise more––good for you.
I hope you get the idea. We each need to be our own best CHEERLEADER. Although it helps to have friends, family or spouse who do that also. The only person we can control is OURSELVES!!! Focus on eliminating affirmation-type and negative self-talk by adding a compliment or two to restore HOPE to your life. What are some COMPLIMENTS you need to give yourself? Write them in your journal now. NEXT TIME-Personal Battles.