Monday, September 13, 2010

Article #117 Back in Circulation

Just try having a social life as a newly divorced mother of three rambunctious boys. First of all even having the energy after working fulltime all week to support a family, then trying to get over fears of risking again was daunting. Any new relationship had two strikes against it. Plus add in dependent children and their feelings and fears about their missing parent being replaced, and you can see what was involved. Our church organized dances for singles of all ages on weekends. The single men at the social activities were few and far between. The numerous females at any dance or activity outnumbered the males by at least 4 to 1. Nevertheless, they were well attended by single women. Some shy men probably hated these socials and didn’t come. (Photo above my cousin Marion and I dressed and ready for a singles dress-up dance.)

Let me describe the dances for you. First of all they reminded me of a “cattle auction.” The women all lined up in little groups around the outside of the dance floor (a church cultural hall gym.) The men came in usually alone or with another single male friend. Making the walk around the gym floor, they quickly sized up who they wanted to ask to dance. Of course, there were always those few brave single women who took the situation into their own hands. Upon spotting a new eligible (they hoped) gentleman at the dance, a brave woman could be known to go up and ask the man for a dance. Fortunately I was one of those, and eventually met the man I have been married to for the last 17 years. My cousins Marion and Jody both meet their second husbands that way. But that’s an exception to what generally happens.

Becoming a wall flower and not being asked to dance because you aren’t one of the courageous few who seeks out a partner, is embarrassing and lowers your self esteem greatly. As you stand around in the subdued lighting of the cultural hall, you wonder why in the world you hired a babysitter to stay home with your kids and expose yourself to being rejected again. I remember many dances and activities where I decided this was the last time I would attend. But you don’t find another husband by sitting at home alone with your kids. It may take years of these kinds of activities to get results or you may never find another mate willing to take on the added responsibilities. (Photo above of my ex-husband and our three sons.)


  1. By mistake I deleted 25 comments so I'm adding them back in. Thanks to all my friends who comment daily.

    Kavita-Interesting !Wonderful that you found a great partner to share your life with. Have a nice week !

    Jocelyn-It's amazing how much my dad and Frank look alike, except my dad's hair isn't as fluffy...and my dad also tends to look happy in all his pictures!

    Cherlyn-I had an adjustment to single life after being married for over 22 years! I didn't "look" for a new husband but found him walking on the Y track, two years after I got divorced. I never dreamed asking Mark if he remembered me from high school would be the beginning of a relationship and then marriage!

    Kay-I'm glad you were brave enough to make that first move and found happiness. God helps those who help themselves?

  2. That does sound a little daunting... I went to dances as a teen, but not after that..but you a brave woman...