So after all the years of playing the dating game and analyzing each fellow for his husband potential, is there any way to be sure he’s “the one?” Fairy tales tell us that there is only one Prince Charming and his kiss will awaken us to true love. But reality is a little different, that’s why those childhood books are called fairy tales. In dating, we are only showing our best side to the other person to impress them. That’s where the expression: wait till the honeymoon’s over comes from. Even the most perfect spouse has faults and little habits that can be annoying. Just ask your college roommate or closest friend or sibling for a list of your faults. But somehow we assume that meeting “the right one” guarantees us happiness forever after with no adjustments, back to the fairy tale mentality again.
It’s an easy philosophy to buy into, especially as a young inexperienced person before life has shocked you with its disappointments and trials. What if there are many “ones” that you could marry and be happy? You just need to find someone that you want to try this grand adventure called “marriage” and a commitment to not give up on your relationship at the first argument.
Romantic love can be very intense and fills you with nothing but dreams of your perfect marriage. “Our honeymoon will never be over, you promise each other.” Then comes reality. “Why does she squeeze the toothpaste in the middle? How come he never picks up his socks? I thought she knew how to cook. She calls this meat loaf? He’d rather play football with the guys than come home to be with me.”
It has been said that…life is what happens while you are making other plans. Nowhere is this truer than in marriage. Despite all the books, courses and discussions with parents, nothing can prepare you for 24/7 living together that marriage requires. The first few months are a real adjustment as your passion cools and reality sets in. Hopefully you haven’t kept too many personality quirks from your partner and are able to have a sense of humor about your new life together. There is also the possibility that the Prince you married will morph back into a frog sometime in the future. Nothing is as constant as change. You will change also.
All true. I think the most important thing a spouse can be is a good friend, someone that you share common interests with, and who is always your first choice with whom to share time and activities.
ReplyDeleteI second Linda's motion. The intense, physical love that we feel as young'uns must give way to a deep friendship if the relationship is to last.
ReplyDeleteOkay...I don't know how he does it, but he manages to spray water all over the bathroom mirror when he washes his hands and face... grrrr.
ReplyDeleteHe rinses off the dishes and leaves them full of water on the counter just above the dishwasher. grrrr.
He has never replaced the toilet paper roll when it's empty, not once that I can recall...grrrr.
You can call him fifty six times for dinner and he won't come until he's finished whatever project he's working on, therefore, I either eat cold food or I eat alone...grrrr.
BUT he makes me laugh every day. His subtle wit and sense of play keep me feeling girlish and giggling.
He always listens to me intently.
and offers his advice only when asked for (and it's unfailingly spot on wise)
He would protect me against any danger at his own peril, and has done so on several occasions.
There isn's anything I can't share with him and know that he will accept me in all of my silliness or seriousness, wisdom or folly.
I not only LIKE HIM, I like myself better because of him.
So, I wipe off the bathroom mirror, put the dishes in the washer, towel dry the counter top, replace the empty toilet paper roll, place his dinner plate in the microwave, and thank my lucky stars that he's mine.
Marriage can be a heaven or a hell for some, I'm sure. For most of us, it's neither. It's a comfort, an anchor, a life long study in human behavior. It's sailing on choppy waters, and a drive along the coast with the top down on a perfect summer day. Its jogging upa very steep hill, and gliding down a snowy slope on a sled.
I love the variety of the days and the emotions living with Wayne brings.
The reality that set in after the first few months together was a wee bit jarring, I admit... but, years of memories have been gathered, and the reality of sharing moments in the morning whispering in bed, hard work moving water lines, mowing acres of lawn, and trimming dead tree branches side by side, seeing our children react with one another as adults, picnics and dancing under the stars on our own patio... ahhhhh...life is delicious indeed when shared with someone who has become as comfortable and as warm as my favorite, albeit somewhat tattered, old sweatshirt.
All three of the commenters before me said it wonderfully!!
ReplyDeleteHe always listens to me intently.
ReplyDeleteand offers his advice only when asked for (and it's unfailingly spot on wise)
data entry work from home
I agree with those who talked about friendship. I also think that a shared common history over the years is such a gift. My husband is my best friend and has been for over 27 years now...
ReplyDeleteI'm so jealous of all you happy and married folk. Didn't work out for me. Oh well...Life is what you make it, and it was necessary to carry on...and that's what I did.
ReplyDelete