Thursday, September 18, 2008

Can of Worms

Well, found out there some difference in opinions among my blogging friends after my last post about working women vs. stay at home mothers. (Hopefully some understanding and compassion for each other can be felt. It's not helpful to try to judge one another.) Here's the latest from Sarah Palin...Palin also took questions about her family and women's rights during the hourlong forum. Asked at one point how she would respond to people who say she can't be both a mother of five and vice president, she said, "Well, let's prove them wrong.

Well, I've been there done that-worked full time and tried to raise a family. Found out this about jobs, no matter how great the job was or how much of a contribution I thought I made as a teacher, librarian or community school coordinator, once the job was over--it was over. Returning years later to a job location, I could barely see the results of my work and efforts (including overtime not paid for). No one working then remembered me. At that point, I realized that a job is just that, a job. You can be fired, quit or just leave and it doesn't matter that much to anyone years later. 

But as a mother, you have job security and responsibility to train, nurture and guide your offspring. You can't be fired, quit or retire, and you won't be forgotten or replaced too often. Once a mother, you are always eternally a mother. When during wartime, young soldiers were wounded and dying in combat, they didn't call out for their superior officers for comfort but for their mothers. Same with 9/11, the last phone calls made were to family members-mothers, fathers, siblings or spouses. That to me shows the importance and eternal nature of family ties. Shouldn't we (and our husbands) give our first priority-best time and efforts to our family? Can you do that if you work full time?


  1. I don't think so. It's one thing to be a working mother when your children are older, in school or out of the home, but when they are small you have just left the rearing of your children to someone else.

  2. Oh, one more thing...I also think a parent should be home when kids come home from school..lots of things can go wrong with teenage kids home alone :)

  3. I think you can. Husbands work, kids go to school, Mommies can have outside jobs too. When everyone's home, that's when you take care of each other. You talk around the dinner table, help with homework, plan activities, share experiences.

    I don't think happy families are because Mommy was home all day dusting and vacuuming. They are made by the times you are together and the love and companionship you share.

  4. There are no absolutes. There are always variables that color any situation, and this topic in no exception. Personality, payroll, proximity, communication, family support or relaible day care, off hours job stress and how you handle it. I could go on.
    Jo mentioned an essential - the family dinner. Whether you stayed home and made pot roast or picked up take out at the deli, that family time around the dinner table is when you connect with each other, share your experiences and your values.
    We always want to be validated, to have it affirmed that we made the right choices. But ultimately we must answer for ourselves - did I make the right choice for me?

  5. Bravo, Lin!

    I stayed home for the nine years. The world went on without me. We did not live large, but we lived. I work again (as a teacher), and leave it behind me when I come home. It's off my mind and I am mom again. I want my girl to know she's No. 1 and to know that she should always put her family first.

  6. Lin..if I sounded judgmental with regard to Sarah Palin, I guess I am. There are intelligent, articulate women of differing views than me whom I admire and respect. Sarah Palin has done nothing that I admire or respect. My education degree is in mental retardation and I realize how much specialized care that little boy is going to need to reach his full potential. He deserves to have the best services that are available and as soon as possible. Does anyone think he will get those sitting in the back of a campaign bus? She had made it very clear that her kids don't get any special treatment, but in fact, her son needs it. And I think my years of working with children with Down's syndrome and seeing the difference that early intervention can have is making me more passionate here. So I apologize if I offended anyone as I don't mean to do that, but and you will excuse the expression, "I am a pitbull without lipstick" when it comes to special needs children..

  7. I love what you have said here, Lin. I know this is a hot and heated topic among women of many cultures and faiths and I may be hurting some feelings here when I say this, but as a mother of young children, and remembering being a young child with a father I rarely may love your children with all your heart, but if you want them to know it, if you want them to feel it they NEED your time. When we are elderly and in need of love, attention and care, do we want to go to a nursing home facility or do we want our loved ones to care for us? Will we be ok without them?...sure. Will we be lonely and feel abandoned if they don't? Do children who are in need of love, attention and care want to be raised in a care facility or by their family? Will they be ok without us?...sure. But there is so much more.

  8. Looks to me like she has already proven everyone right, her daughter speaks volumes about needing attention and supervision.

    Palin is a cold hearted Mom who has used her daughter to further her own position, humiliating her in front of the world.

    Her daughters pregnancy was a private family matter she made public to make herself look good. It was unnecessary, there are other ways.

    Scary she could be VP or possibly President with a 4 year degree and the notion she is a strong, She has not begun to look at what is important about family or her crazy beliefs. That's what makes a person strong.

    Her conditioning is 'Palin' frightening..

  9. No you can't. It's just too bad that women often HAVE to work...sad when it's their choice and they don't stay home. I don't pass personal judgments on them but that's my gut feeling. We all have to be accountable on many surfaces for all the choices we make. a lot of my friends couldn't understand why I didn't go to work when my kids were in high school, especially when we got to the last 2. But i had learned the kids need their moms even more during that time than at any other time past infancy. So home I stayed.

  10. In my "Miss-Goodie-two-shoes" days I found myself very very judgemental. A favorite saying was, "I would NEVER...(this, that, the other)"

    Well, marriage, motherhood, and especially LIFE gave me a good sound slapping-around and that tune changed...I don't judge people anymore, but I will judge actions if need be.

    I was fortunate to be able to stay home until Jordyn went to college (she needed more than hubby's one self-employed salary could afford and I didn't want her prostituting to get it)and the baby child was in fifth grade, our schools were close enough for me to be there within the blink of an eye. Being an at-home mom was the best time of my life. I enjoyed every minute of it to the fullest. I wish more women could experience it and enjoy the rewards.

    On the other hand, if a woman must work then there is not much discussion about that.