Every once in awhile, I find myself BECOME AN OBSERVER, watching my life as if I were on STAGE and others were actors in a SCRIPT that seems familiar. I don't feel the emotions involved in the situation, but watch almost detached and feel my mind having a dialog about what is happening. I wonder why the other person said this or that. Then I check myself to see how a certain word or emotion affected me and am surprised that it didn't, because I am a detached observer.
This process enables you to ACT appropriately instead of gut REACT. To consider different possibilities as you see the overall situation rather than just immediately responding with your emotions. It takes self-control and discipline to control yourself and set a proper example. Take the situation where a child or grandchild is having a tantrum. Your immediate reaction may be anger and yelling, Stop that. Perhaps there’s a better way? First detach and observe the situation, then decide rationally not emotionally what is your best action to take to calm things down. In any given interaction trying to SEND VALUE to the individual involved is a wise first step. Maybe reflecting to the other person what you see as an observer…I see that you are really upset, is there anything I can do to help you? Civility and not escalated warfare is called for, not defensiveness and retaliation which is more common. Although in some extreme cases firm interaction may be called followed by loving attention and listening.
It would be interesting if video or computer games could be used to model constructive positive behavior in relationships rather than reactive behavior like killing or unmercifully pursuing the other person with the goal of eliminating that person. Hey, there’s an idea for some brilliant person to pursue-teaching true principles through media.
This can be accomplished through journaling. In order to become an observer, you have to push a PAUSE BUTTON inside: slowing down your immediate reaction and choosing instead a more creative action of becoming an observer. Detach from personal feelings and look objectively at what is occurring. Writing can help with this process. It slows down your emotions and helps you control your feelings and not be controlled by them. Try it in your life when a stressful situation comes up. Write about it later. You’ll be surprised what you learn about YOU. NEXT TIME: Plant a Seed/Mentor.