Article #184 Do You Have a Voice?

Retirement years seem to come too quickly. For some it’s difficult to make the transition from fulltime parenting and/or a demanding career to creating a new life as a retiree. Men in particular have problems in making this transition unless they have a fascinating hobby. Women while celebrating an empty nest and being released from 24/7 mothering can go through bouts of feeling useless because their influence and nurturing voices are no longer sought and in some instances not wanted.

After using your voice as a parent and helping your children develop into responsible adults and find their voices, suddenly they are legally of age and making their own decisions without need of you. This can signal that you’ve done a good parenting job. Helping your children build their confidence in solving the problems that will surely come their way. Now it’s time to redirect your energies, develop your own interests long neglected to avoid falling into the bottomless pit of feeling rejected. Not cutting off ties to family, but rearranging your priorities-giving your dear children the space to make their own decisions and find themselves as adults.

One of the most important things you can do during your retirement years is to rediscover your VOICE-dreams not yet fulfilled to pursue while you are healthy enough to do that. Try making a bucket list of things you’d experience or hobbies to develop if you have time, because now you do. Prioritize your list. Are there some activities to share with your spouse or a friend? Save time and be available if requested as a resource to your children as they become parents and you become a grandparent-the reward for the sacrifices made during your many years of parenting.

Welcoming new daughters and son-in-laws into your family can bring new challenges and dynamics to cope with, new voices and needs to consider. It’s time for a shift in your game plan. You are no longer in an active parenting role with these new adults formerly your children or their spouses. It’s time to become the wise available adviser and playful grandparent. Avoiding power struggles as you observe your children make some of the same mistakes you made and resist the tendency to share your unsolicited advice with them. Find a focus for your life, perhaps consider volunteering in a charitable organization. There are many needing help in our area.