Saturday, August 9, 2014

Victim or Enemy?

Two years ago I wrote a post about EXPECTATIONS and ASSUMPTIONS and I'm still learning about this topic-how to integrate it into my life. Lately, a book was recommended to me Bonds that Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves by C. Terry Warner that is very helpful on this same topic but expands it to include SELF-VICTIMIZATION which goes along with my developing thoughts about INNER VOICES. As the POGO historical cartoon above says...We (I) have met the enemy and he is us (me)!

When we are focused on REACTING instead of ACTING, we become a victim. We are CHOOSING to be victimized. Just because you think you are attacked verbally or emotionally, doesn't mean you have to take it personally and continue the attack on you with your own inner voices or attack back. (Inner voices can help you stop the downward progression of your self esteem.) Some kind of STOP BUTTON needs to take place to activate a NEW KIND of thinking other than taking everything PERSONALLY. Although there maybe times when criticisms may be TRUE and can be used to actually improve yourself.

I'm thinking when I hear or feel a negative remark about myself, the process could look like this:

1. Is that really true about me?
2. If so, what do I need to change?
3. If not, how can I ACT instead of REACT and send value to my criticizer and rebuild our relationship or perhaps I need to protect myself from this person.
4. If my inner voices, repeat this criticism and I begin to buy into being a VICTIM, I need to remind myself that it's my CHOICE-not a given reaction.

RESPOND: Please ask questions in a comment and let's carry on this conversation. One question I'm asking me is Am I choosing to make myself a VICTIM? Most of the time, I am. In those cases where I am NOT, perhaps it's time to practice FORGIVENESS towards the person who seems to be offending me.


  1. Let's see. I just read EvilPopTarts comments on something pretty similar this morning. I guess the question I would need to ask is, "Is this my parents' response or mine?" My background lends itself to strong self-criticism, always dependent on how others might view me. It really is kind of a silly way to look at it, as each person has his/her own perspective and opinion, so there is no way to please everyone. By the same token, our responses need to be considerate of those differences.

  2. You can't trust other people's opinions of yourself. By checking with your true inner voice (inspiration from above) is a better judge. I think you bought my e-book on Discover your voice after divorce-there is a couple of chapters on inner voices to read and consider. Lin