Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Having Fun

Went to my poetry group today, we usually don't meet during the summer but there are enough of us around that we've been meeting this summer and critiquing one another's poems. Having someone else give suggestions on improving your poem is always a challenge. It's easy to feel that you're no good as a poet, then sometimes others surprise you with their compliments. Here is one of the poems I read today with some improvements or changes as suggested. I wrote it for a contest about the "golden years" trying to be humorous or tongue in cheek.

GOLDEN YEARS

looking forward to the golden years
but they come with a precious price
living in a retirement center may sound nice
but it's just a fancy old folks rest home

no coming and going as you'd like anymore
visitors are scheduled like a common jail
nurses count your pills, help you find the pot
assist you to clean up if needed and you yell

meals taste like cafeterias of school long ago
neighbors can be grouchy and unfriendly
can run you over in the dark hallways
with jazzed up yazzies or electric wheel chairs

oh to be home again, on my own rather than here
it's an exclusive prison with nurses as wardens
neighbors that act like inmates at a penitentiary
we won't be released, just all carried out one day

4 comments:

kavita said...

Home is always better :)

dellgirl said...

Home is better - always. Hope I never have to go to that prison.

Kay said...

Oh my... that sounds pretty awful. Even more reason to try to stay in your own home for as long as you can.

Rambling Woods said...

I think you caught some of the places I have been in...