Monday, May 14, 2012

Article #196 Taking Things Personally

           Time is a great teacher and negative experiences or difficult people that come into your life can be a blessing IF you learn from each encounter. Try to act don’t react and DON’T take things personally. Consider that maybe others who are negative towards you are needing some compassion and understanding. It may not be YOU personally they are upset with, but other circumstances or problems they are facing as an individual. That could explain why they are acting inappropriately. When dealing with teenagers or depressed individuals take time to consider your reaction before speaking can be time well spend, rather than immediately becoming DEFENSIVE.

            When you require all other individuals that you interact with whether family or friends to meet unrealistic expectations like being perfect and happy all the time, you are asking for trouble and disappointment.  Life is full of challenges and opportunities to grow and progress. This topic could also be called how to become an OBSERVER of others and of yourself. It’s a normal physical response to react when you feel attacked whether the stimulus is a physical threat or emotional abuse from others. Despite all your good intentions to act instead of react, there’s an automatic gut response you must learn to control. When a relationship becomes difficult, try to become an unbiased observer to see if you can tell what is happening within you and with the other individual. IF you are at fault, change your behavior. If not, send value to the other person and listen.

            Say you are in a troubling relationship of some kind. Can you change yourself or the other person? The bad news is it’s almost impossible to change others, but if you modify how you REACT to others misbehavior, the other person has to act differently. If you don’t play the role of defensive victim anymore, but stand your ground, the other person involved is thrown off balance and will have to find a new strategy.

             It’s sometimes called “the dance of anger. ” If you don’t do your part, the other person will have to react differently. It’s also called CO-DEPENDENCY. Instead of being an enabler, if you stand up for yourself courageously, send value to the other person involved, situations can change for the better. If it’s a physical abusive relationship, you may need intervention from others to strengthen you or create protective barriers. NEXT TIME: Crazymakers 

1 comment:

SandyCarlson said...

You're so right. If we speak our truth, we create change.