It’s impossible to avoid conflict even if you are a relaxed laid back type of individual. Disagreements, opposition and misunderstandings are part of what makes for the human condition, because none of us are perfect. The important thing is to take care of negative self-talk that can create conflict within you. Be at peace with yourself, despite other’s misbehavior. That will come by understanding your own values, goals and purpose in life.
One of my important goals is to have a happy loving unified family and that does happen occasionally, but wanting it 24/7 isn’t humanly possible. So, I have to listen to the strident voices inside my head that say…well, you could keep everyone happy IF…or IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT if this person is upset with this other family member. After analyzing and writing in my personal journal about this kind of situation many times, I have come to realize that I am the only person I can control. I can try to be a good example to my grown children and young grandchildren, but I can’t force others to behave how I expect or want them to.
Understanding that you don’t have to make everything all better for everyone can help alleviate stress on your part. Sometimes as parents and especially as women, we want to rescue everyone else from their problems at our own expense. Not valuing yourself can lead to physical-emotional draining and depression.
So how do you take care of yourself? If you don’t keep your own well filled there is no way you can help others or react appropriately to conflict. There is an inner balance to maintain-not becoming self-centered, but having self esteem or worth enough to protect yourself in all situations by acting and not just reacting. Sometimes it seems the only way to develop a positive feeling about yourself is by NOT doing it enough years that you realize a change has to take place. How do you view and treat yourself? Maybe it’s time to stop taking personally every negative comment or conflict that others might throw your way or that your inner voices or the media insinuate is your problem. Try focusing on compliments that come your way and even give yourself some positive statements or affirmations to strengthen your self-esteem. i.e. You can do it. That was a good job. You’ve certainly got talent, etc.