Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Article #121 Single Again

If getting a divorce is traumatic, trying getting divorced "twice." Maybe this is why so many in our modern day society aren’t even bothering to get married, but just cohabitating. It certainly simplifies the breaking up part, when and if that happens. Few people get married with the idea of we’ll try this for a while, and see if it works. After experiencing one divorce then remarrying, I never wanted to put myself or my children through the experience of divorcing again. So for 13 more years of my life, I tried to make a success of my second marriage and blended family. Then came the time when despite counseling, and separations, I decided it just wouldn't work. It wasn’t an easy decision, but necessary for my emotional survival.

This second divorce was simpler as my estranged spouse had already returned to live and work in his homeland Sweden, while I continued my employment as a school librarian (see photo above) while raising our young son alone in America. My older sons had married or left home by this time. Deciding to divorce seems like admitting failure, but if you’ve given your marriage relationship the best effort you were capable of, there may not be any other possibility. The odds for a second marriage lasting are less than for a first marriage, which is understandable with all the pressures of being a step parent, and blending families, etc.

Beginning over again, you would think I’d avoid the singles dating scene again, but I was lonely. After my divorce was final, I felt the need for social interaction and returned to my church’s singles dances. I found them no different than my initial experience, yet I continued to attend. In some corner of my heart, my broken dream of "finding my prince and living happily ever after" had not died. In time, I would meet a good man who didn’t recognize that he was a prince disguised as a frog (after his experience with an unexpected divorce in his life.) We courted long distance as he lived in New Mexico and I lived in Utah, then we married a year later and are still blending our families together after 17 years. (Our engagement photo is on the right.)

Life has been an interesting journey. I’m sure you could say the same about your life's experiences. There will soon be an opportunity for you to do that. Stay tuned.

7 comments:

Jocelyn Christensen said...

Good for you for believing in love and the possibility of happiness in marriage and never giving up.

Linda Reeder said...

We all like stories with happy endings, such as yours. You did find your prince!

Jean said...

So glad you were determined to find your prince, Lin. Your determination paid off!

SandyCarlson said...

I love your honesty and insight--and I am happy for you that things worked out.

kavita said...

Love happened !Both of you look so happy !

Kay said...

I agree with Linda. I'm all for happy endings and I'm glad you found yours. I'm so very happy for you.

Rambling Woods said...

I don't view divorce as a failure, but as something that wasn't meant to be....When I divorced my first husband my Grandmother shared with me that she wished divorce had been acceptable for her as my Grandfather was an alcoholic and 12 years her senior...I was amazed that she shared that with me, but I can hear her words to this day....